i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
