lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
