rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
