puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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