my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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