he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
