she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize