I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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