So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
