you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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