Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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