Can Purell be used as lube?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
