soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
