I'm going to jail i love you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
