I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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