hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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