Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
