No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Congratulations! We have a period
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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