i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
