you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
