Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Help me help you realize you are a moron
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
