Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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