Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
