Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
