Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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