bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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