I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
