oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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