hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
