Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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