I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
