when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
