Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
