who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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