Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
