it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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