I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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