god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
