The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
