I wish I could teleport
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
