He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
