i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
