he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
