sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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