this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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