I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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