so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
