hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
