i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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