I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
