I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
