The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
