He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
