forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
