when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize