All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
