you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
