I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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