my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
