We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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