she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
