What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
