: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
