i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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