Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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