Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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