Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
