that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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