Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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