Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
