i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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