i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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