Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
