we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize