she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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