And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
