So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
