Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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