I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
