I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
