Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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