can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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