Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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