giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
