Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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