i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
