how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
