Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
