Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
