I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
