Cold hands, warm shart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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