Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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