do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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