her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
