Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
