she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
