I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
