yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
